


Burning Alive

by Daxolotl



Series: Yearning, Burning [4]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Emotional Hurt, F/F, Red Daughter Kara Danvers, Self-Destruction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 19:34:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16582718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daxolotl/pseuds/Daxolotl
Summary: Drink until you feel nothing but your regrets.Drink some more.





	Burning Alive

You walk into the DEO three days later, shoulders back, head held high. People still look up and salute when they see you, and nobody tries to arrest you…so you suppose Kara didn't tell anyone else about you sharing a bed with the enemy. That's a mercy, at least. Still. You call a meeting, wait until everyone is gathered, and then, with the eyes of the DEO upon you (thankfully lacking Supergirl – you couldn't face her right now), you resign. 

You promote Vasquez, citing a family emergency as your reason for stepping down. That almost makes you laugh. Almost.

You talk about the privilege it's been to work with them all. You talk about the pride you've felt at knowing each and every one of them, and how you're certain they will go on to save the world many times, with or without you. How honored you were to have fought by their side. How serving with them has given you the greatest years of your life. Your voice cracks, on that last part.

You're certain it would be a beautiful and moving speech, if not for the smell of whiskey on your breath.

You don't return to your apartment much after that. You go from bar to bar where you can, only retreating to your apartment when they close their doors on you. 

Sometimes, when you leave the bars, you see a flicker of movement in the sky, and you wonder which one of them it is. Is it your sister, watching to make sure you don't do anything stupid – watching to see if you go back to _her_? Or is it your lover, watching with worry as you drink your life away. Either way, you try your best to ignore it. 

You're at the trashiest bar that hasn't banned you yet when the news story starts. _Supergirl and doppelganger fight yet again_ , it says. Despite yourself, your own morbid curiosity – your own need to see her (which "her" you mean, you're not quite sure) – has you asking the bartender to turn the volume up.

"Supergirl and her doppelganger clashed once again today, over the downtown area. For the first time, buildings were damaged. Prior to this point, the two have kept their rivalry to the skies, but the violence today held a savagery we haven't seen from either before." There's video alongside it, shaky phone camera footage of the two smashing through a parking lot. The two Kryptonians spar, smashing through concrete and cars. In the end, Not-Kara is struck with a truck engine, and staggers, clearly barely able to stand. As Supergirl – as _Kara_ – approaches, eyes a searing, burning blue, there's a moment of hesitation. Not-Kara's mouth moves, saying something the camera can't hear. You can only make out one word. "Alex". And for just a moment, Supergirl hesitates, and her doppelganger takes off.

"It's unknown what caused the savagery of today's attack, as well as what caused Supergirl to hesitate in bringing her clone to justice. We'll have more on this story as it develops."

You feel ill. You down the rest of your drink and step out of the bar into the open air, rubbing your eyes as if that could blank out what you just saw – as if it could make you forget. Right after you do, as you lower your hands, you see it again. A blur in the sky.

You've had enough. "Stop following me, Kara! Either get down here and face me, or leave me _alone_!"

When no cardigan-wearing blonde appears before you, when no hero or Russian menace drop from the sky, you finally break.

Your diaphragm lurches, and for a moment you think that you're going to throw up. But instead, you sob.

You drop to your knees. "Kara," you get out in a wheezing rasp, unsure of which you're calling out to. "Kara, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I can't do this without you." You can't breathe, can't get air in as you cry and scream outside the bar. " _Please_."

You don't know how long you cry for. Five minutes? Ten? An hour? Your loneliness and regret burns, the lack of air making your stomach ache as you try desperately to stop crying just for a moment, just so you can _breathe_. But you can't. You can't do anything but cry ugly, heaving sobs.

You pass out, eventually, from exhaustion and from drink. 

As you drift away, you swear you feel warmth around you for the briefest of moments.

You wake up the next morning in your apartment, wearing clean pajamas and with clean bedsheets, with water and aspirin left next to the bed.

And that breaks you all over again.

**Author's Note:**

> _Sooo...remember how I said this was a three-part series and intended to be ended at the end of Burning Down? Um...surprise! Also I'm so sorry._


End file.
